Gordon phoned me next evening just as I was getting ready to go out with Sophie. His news was that Emily had allowed him back into the flat and that everything was hunky dory again – he said making up had been so passionate it almost made the break-up worth it. He didn’t apologise for messing up my week or for his drunken behaviour but that’s not his way. He was very complimentary about Sophie and thought Chakka was simply stunning, even though, as he put it, she was black.
“Wow”, he said, “you certainly know how to pick them.”
He said he been invited to go sailing with Bruce and one of his friends in June of a 46 foot Bavaria yacht and that he would try to wangle a space for me too. I said I’d really appreciate that. It was nice to hear from him and I was relieved he wouldn’t be dependent on me again in the near future.
I didn’t tell Gordon, because it’s too early to share it, but I think I’m in love. I feel so happy. I’ve never felt this way before about anybody. At least I don’t think I have. I was pretty keen on Laura before my torn artery problem and I have to admit I was wild about Chakka early on. But I’m sure this is different. Sophie and I have made love very successfully. After each time I have felt strong and manly and Sophie has seemed completely abandoned and has told me she has never enjoyed sex so much. I don’t think she’s saying that just for my benefit. I firmly believe that the intimacy a couple have when there’re making love is an indicator of how they feel about each other. If they are singing from the same hymn sheet and are so aware of the other person that they both reach an uplifting climax that means they have a good loving relationship. That’s why I believe I’m in love. That’s not to say I don’t have qualms about it. We come from such different places we will each have to compromise in lots of ways if we’re going to make a success of it. I’ve yet to meet Sophie’s father and from what she’s told me about him that could be tricky. He’s an ardent capitalist and active member of the Tory party. He’s separated from his wife and lives with his ‘fancy woman’ as Sophie calls her. Sophie may reject a lot of what he stands for and think my way of life wonderful but I’m not sure if that’s not just because she wants her independence; to escape from her overbearing father. When she’s done that she may find that actually her beliefs and way of life are actually not that different from her father’s and nothing like mine.
And I question my own motives. Is it Sophie that I find attractive or the glamour of her life style? I enjoy being driven around in a nice car and seeing the envy of others. I’ve just been invited to David Cannon’s 50th birthday bash and it sounds as if it’s going to be quite an occasion, probably more glamorous than any experience in my life to date. I’m looking forward to being served champagne, followed by gourmet food and fine wines. Not something I get everyday or ever have before if I’m honest. I’m concerned that I will be sucked in by this good living and become a capitalist myself.
Anyway it’s early days in the relationship and I shouldn’t be crossing bridges that maybe don’t exist. We may not even have a long-term future so I have to learn to just enjoy what we’ve got while it’s good.
I finished work today and it’s back to college tomorrow. I enjoyed my job, I’ve earned over a grand and if I hadn’t worked there I wouldn’t have met Sophie. Anyway now I must concentrate on my finals. I will have to warn Sophie that I will need to do some serious revision over the next few weeks and that I won’t be able to see her as often we have been doing and as I (and hopefully she) would like. I think I’ll have to restrict it to just twice a week and then perhaps we can FaceTime each other after 23:00 on the other nights. I’m seeing her shortly and then on Saturday for her father’s 50th bash. It’s not going to be easy to concentrate on my studies as my thoughts keep drifting to Sophie and our relationship. It’s difficult to think of anything else.